after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
