That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
