I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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