I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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