yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
