if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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