i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
