i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sarcasm needs its own font
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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