I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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