There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
