Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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