I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
