I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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