I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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