there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
