my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
