I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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