conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
