I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
