didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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