Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
