I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
