Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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