i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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