I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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