At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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