whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
