a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
