I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
