dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
