Only a mothe r could love this liver
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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