she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
bring money and cleavage
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
