laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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