some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Vodka?
Forever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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