PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
