If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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