just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
