Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
