ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
