My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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