Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we should paint friendship bongs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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