i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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