I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
