I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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