Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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