i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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