When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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