why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
