He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I came so hard my ears popped.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
