i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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