In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
